Relationships are eternal. The ‘separation’ is another chapter in the relationship. Often, letting go of the old form of the relationship becomes a lesson in pure love much deeper than any would have learned had the couple stayed together.


How Relationship Counseling Helps

Marriage was meant to be a permanent bond between a man and a woman but unfortunately, many of us face problems in our relationship that can quickly build upon each other. That is why it may be necessary for you to engage in some type of marriage counseling at some point in your relationship. In doing so, you are not only giving yourself the opportunity to have a strong relationship with your mate but you are establishing the building blocks which will help you to get there effectively. What are some of the things that may need discussed during the counseling session?

First of all, it doesn’t matter if you are from Chicago, NYC or anywhere else in the world, all of us tend to face similar problems. Although a lot of people are going to blame it on something specific, such as money problems or intimacy issues, there is usually an underlying issue that needs to be discussed first. That is a lack of communication between a husband and a wife. It doesn’t matter what types of problems you’re currently having it can often be traced back to a lack of communication between the two of you. That is one of the things that can be built up with marriage or couples counseling and it is something that can follow you for the rest of your life to your benefit.

The timing of the counseling that is done is also of importance. For example, if you wait until the marriage is at its breaking point it, quite obviously, is going to take more work on your part in order to mend things properly. Believe it or not, many people engage in couples counseling before they are ever married. This has nothing to do with the status of their relationship, as many of those individuals are still wearing the rose colored glasses that we tend to have on when we are in that situation. They are not there to correct any issues that are wrong at the time, but they are there to establish their relationship in the way that will help them to deal with those problems as they arise.

There may also be something specific that is necessary which can be discussed between the two individuals in the relationship. One of the more difficult ones to approach for many people who are married is the subject of intimacy. All of us have different needs and it is important to make sure that we’re looking at those needs in their proper perspective. Unfortunately, we live in a world that tends to foster an unrealistic idealism when it comes to intimacy. That is where couples counseling can be effective, as they can assist you in recognizing any difficulties that do exist and seeing how they can be approached in a reasonable manner.

Regardless of the difficulties you may be facing or even if you are currently facing no difficulties at all, counseling can assist you in growing a stronger and longer lasting relationship.

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Having a Good Sex Life is Essential – Intimacy Tips For Couples

Sex life may be compromise the older we grow, as we have more responsibilities like work, taking care of business, hanging out with friends and acquaintances. Busy schedules make it easy to forget the need for regular sex. It should be remembered that sexual health is part of health as well. Having a great sex life should not be difficult but of course there is work to do.

First and foremost, communicate about your desires come first. There is no great sex without mutual understanding. Talk to your partner about the frequency of sex, what each other think about the quality of sex, what you like and do not like about the current sex life, and most importantly what kind of changes both parties would like to see. Try to hold this sort of meeting regularly, like monthly or weekly. This can be done on the coffee table or in bed. Communication about your sex life is the first and most important step and cannot be skipped.

Next is to plan time for sex. If you have a great body and are energetic throughout the day, you can probably have great sex anytime you liked. However, for most of us mortals that is not the case, sadly. Therefore, plan to have great sex. If workdays really cannot work for it, you would have to take it to he weekends. Planning for sex also means planning for everything before sex; a romantic time together, followed by good conversation, and then foreplay and then sex

Last but not least, mind the mindset about sex. As with most conservative societies, sex is considered a “dirty” topic. If you or your partner feels that sex is bad or dirty, then you are never going to enjoy sex. It is crucial to face sex as it is. Sex is a simple requirement of life, such as necessary as water, food and sleep. Having a conservative and “closed” society throws sex into “dirty”. Hence, know your mindset and that of your partner to make sure both of you don’t have the wrong mindset about sex.

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The Fine Line

Lately, I have been exploring the intersection of pain and pleasure. Not feeling well brings pain that I try to experience as pleasure by telling myself that I am perfect, whole and complete. I love myself, just the way I am – even if I am in pain. But it is not that easy. Saying I accept the pain, doesn’t make it go away. When my whole body aches, it is difficult to pretend that it doesn’t. When I have no energy, it is hard to do anything.

When I am in Yoga class, the pain is excruciating.

On the other hand, when I am making love, there is no pain. Pleasure takes over my body in a way that escapes me when I am standing or sitting or even trying to go to sleep. My pain is often worse when I am lying still attempting to relax. But it doesn’t hurt when I am having energetic sex. Why? My guess is that when my lover and I are being sexual, I am out of my mind and out of my body as well. I drift to a place of pure pleasure. It is like floating on a sea of tranquility and I want to stay there forever. I want to move there permanently and never come back to this body that is causing me so much trouble, and certainly I don’t want to go back to my negative mind, which blames me for all of the discomfort as if “I” didn’t think the right thoughts or say the right words.

It is hard being uncomfortable in my body after working for so many years on loving myself and accepting everything as perfect. Affirming that everything is in divine order,    perfectly unfolding just as it is, doesn’t work anymore The pain is NOT perfect, it hurts, and then some days, unexpectedly, it goes away. I am OK for a while, I get a few things accomplished, and then it returns again. I try to rest but that doesn’t work when my body is uncomfortable.

And then the opportunity to make love comes again, and suddenly nothing hurts. I am in bliss when I am being stroked and caressed, kissed and nuzzled (I could get more graphic here, but my love life is not the point of this blog). The point is: where does the pain go? When it is not with me, does it haunt someone else? Can pain be shared like  pleasure? Why does it seem to own me when it steals my days and/or nights? Do we own our pain? Can we control it? Is everyone’s pain the same?

I don’t know the answer to these questions; I only know my own experiences of pain and of pleasure. I’d love to hear your comments. What is your experience of pain? Of pleasure? Do you also have a fine line that can be easily crossed simply by stopping your thoughts and moving from one idea to another. Is the relief of pain really simple?

If it is, then why is it so hard to shift sometimes and not others? And why does it return so easily? I don’t want to be in pain. I want to be in pleasure and stay there all of the time. But then, how do I get anything else done?

The buzz about what is going to happen in 2012

The buzz about what is going to happen in 2012 reminds me of the split between mind and body. Is this a political question or a metaphysical one? For some of us who are caught up in politics, the outcome of this election will have a major impact if the democrats or republicans win. Others of us look forward to the ascension, or fear destruction, as the world as we know it ends.

We never actually know what is going to happen next, no matter how much we plan and prepare. When we take a vacation, we trace our route and say we want to be at one place on this date and another on that date. Mostly it works, but sometimes there are unexpected turns in the road and magnificent things to see and do that were not planned. Other times mistakes are made and we have to retrace our route, or we lose “time” because we lock the keys in the car, or we sleep poorly because we picked the wrong motel.

When we go to work day after day, mostly we know what to expect and it can be exciting when something different occurs. Sometimes the phone suddenly rings and everything we planned to do changes. Other time it is the same ole, same old. One never knows. However, we continue to have expectations and to set our intentions about how we want something to work. If we can live in the mystery of not knowing what is around the next corner, we can always be excited and surprised by what happens. When we have expectations, we are often disappointed.

Which way would you rather live? In disappointment or surprise and excitement? I am one of those people who don’t like surprises, but I don’t like to be disappointed either, so what is a girl to do? I like setting my intentions and then love with my arms wide open, letting happen whatever happens and surrendering to the moment. This is not always easy, but I have had some health problems lately that has left me not knowing what is going to happen next. I am learning to live in the mystery and allowing myself to be pleased with whatever is the outcome. This has have forced me to slow down and take what comes. It is a hard lesson. My body and mind are not in agreement. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak, and other times my whole self says, “Let’s go!” Yet I don’t have an ounce of energy to follow through.

Sexuality and Spirituality

We are born sexual beings. Some say we are also spiritual beings having a physical experience. Others say they don’t believe in spirituality. What do we mean when we talk about spirit?

For me, both sex and spirit are like electricity. I don’t know how they work, but I sure like the power they produce. This is also true for the type of intimacy I find in various relationships. When I experience healthy communication that leads to intimacy, it is powerful. When I experience spirituality, it is the spirit of enthusiasm; the joy and exhilaration that comes from knowing I am in the right place at the right time for the highest good of all concerned.

For some, sex is a casual experience that occurs randomly in a chaotic universe. For others, it is a life long commitment to one person who honors the body as “the temple of the Holy Spirit.” At least that is what I was taught: find a mate similar to yourself, get married, make babies, and live happily ever after. My parents did that (although they didn’t look too happy to us six kids, especially after 50 years).  I tried it and my marriage lasted almost 25 years. When I thought about the next 25 years (I am likely to live to be 75), I began to make different choices.

The first thing I did was to join an Intentional Community Harbin Hot Springs in Northern California just happened to be clothing optional, it was also Heart Consciousness Church. The land and water were old Native American healing grounds. We honored the physical body as the spirit of the land. Sex was  readily available, but there was little intimacy as I now understand it. While living there I began thinking of writing a book about various kinds of intimate relationships, and what I now think about as the “Energetics of Sex and Sexuality.”

Sexuality, to me, is our identity as male and/or female. It encompasses the gender roles we all play.

Sex is what we do when we raise our energy and unite with another person for the purpose of procreation and pleasure. I believe sex is intended to be pleasurable; right? Or is it only to make babies as many of us were taught?

Today’s social climate shouts, “Sex is for Fun and Good for Everyone.” But where is the intimacy? And what about the spiritual component of sex? 

The book I eventually completed talks about INTO-ME-SEE. It teaches that self-love and self-pleasuring are as important as cultivating healthy relationships on every level of our lives. Exploring Intimacy addresses the roles of insight and intuition as we learn to love ourselves, which we must do before we can offer love to any one else.

Exploring Intimacy provides several methods for achieving an Integrated Self, and looks at how gender roles have evolved over the years. 

The book explores the scientific component of the vital life force or libido that is alive and active in all of our relationships, as well as during a sexual encounter. It explains the meaning of Kundalini and the Path of Manifestation as well as the Path of Liberation. I hope you will check it out (ask for it at your local library, that is a great way to support an author, and also makes it available for others in the future).

All of life has a sexual component – from when we are born until we die. What we do with our vital life force determines our exploration and eventual integration of sex and spirit, our sexuality and our spirituality.

Keys to Healthy Relationships

I found this article interesting and had to share it with you:

Everyone in the world is in a kind of relationship. Whether it is with a significant other, friend or family, relationships will always be a part of an individual. As stated in the Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, love and belongingness or being in a relationship with other people is vital in a person’s life. Needless to say, it is essential to keep healthy relationships.

But how does an individual keep his relationship healthy? There are definitely many ways to make one’s associations with his fellow men beneficial.

When it comes to family, it is important to spend time together. Little gatherings such as dinner meals will make the members closer. They can get to share stories, talk about various topics, and probably even deal with misunderstandings too. If the children already have their own families, regular get-togethers could still be done to keep the bonds as tight as possible. Besides, these will present opportunities for the different generations to know more about one another.

Relatives, especially the immediate ones, need to maintain healthy connections as well. Although gathering more people in one place at the same is harder, it will certainly be worth it. Just imagine the fun and laughter everybody will have, particularly with the ‘big’ clans.

There are many occasions, such as during the Christmas season, which the family could celebrate together.

Another crucial type of relationship a person has to keep healthy is the ones with friends. An individual will meet countless of people in his lifetime, and many of these would be long-time or close friends. Just like family, friends ought to spend time together.

As most would come from different backgrounds or walks of life, it really would be nice to relate with unique personalities who have distinct life stories.

In addition to the stories (and gossip) to be shared, friends are great to have in times of need. Since a lot of folks live away from home and their families, they usually would have friends as their nearest of kin. Friends are the ones whom people can cry on or communicate their problems with. Of course, a person has to associate himself with genuine individuals.

The last key relationship to strengthen is with a significant other. This is probably the relationship that most people work on in their lives.

Two of the most indispensable values individuals in a romantic relationship must have are love and respect. For this kind of union to work, it has to breathe on true love. It cannot simply operate on things such as money and lust. People need to have sincere affection towards each another.

Respect is the other quality they should have. Each of the party involved ought to have respect to the other individual as a person.

It is also vital to have an open communication with each other. If there are problems or disagreements, these should be talked about as soon as possible.

As the saying “no man is an island” goes, it denotes that every individual is compelled to have relationships to live. And to make everyday living a whole lot better, people simply need to keep healthy relationships.

Next read more articles in advice on relationships

Visit Relationship tips Includes topics on communication, intimacy, jealousy, successful relationships, controlling partners and more. Small steps taken every day will add up to a big success. Star taking small steps to create a solid foundation.

(c) 2011 F. Kaizen. All rights reserved.

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Loving Others Means Loving Yourself First

Negative self talk and negative energy affects you in more ways than one. Ever felt stuck in the rut and not knowing how to get out of it? Do you know that having negative thoughts may damage the relationships you have with your loved ones?

The purpose of this article, is to challenge you to get out of the rut, with some simple tips! How can you do so? This is through making time early in the morning when all is at peace, to pray and listen to God. You can help yourself maintain a positive frame of mind-which will help with positive self-talk-by surrounding yourself with positive energy in your life.

Try adding the following elements to your life:

1) Listen to Uplifting Messages
Listening to a fast beat music has been proven to aid you in your gym workout. Similarly, an uplifting message, can be great for developing positive self-talk! Very often, I download Chip Ingram’s podcasts the night before and listen to them on my way to work in the morning. This gives me the much needed encouraging message for the day. You are what you immerse yourself with.

2) Read Inspirational Books: Books on strength, personal power, enlightenment, or self help can be good resources to help you change your outlook and the things you say to yourself. However, do make sure that this is not a spur of the moment sprint, but rather a marathon where you persevere. These inspirational books should aid you in the direction of your goal in the long run. I am constantly uplift by reading these inspirational books, of which my favorite author is John Maxwell on leadership and goal setting.

3) Surround Yourself with Positive People: One of the most important ways you can get (and of course keep) positive energy in your life is with the company you keep. Do your friends uplift you, or bring you down? Are these people whom you call your friend accusatory, critical or uplifting and sincere? Ideal friendships provide support when you’re down, fun when you are up, provide wisdom when you are lost, and have a general positive regard. Good friends can inspire you to reach greater heights, helping you soar to the highest and reminding you of your purpose. They see your strengths and prod you along the right away. Pay attention to how your friends make you feel, and if they are less than supportive, start putting your energy and time toward people who are better suited to be your friend.

Many Singaporean women find it a challenge juggling work and life, and will seek greater opportunities which allow them to work from home. However, as you are trying to combat this stress, try developing more positive self- talks with the tips just mentioned. It is unhealthy, for people to have high strung relationships and conflicts may frequently occur if not managed. My blog is dedicated to share and encourage one another like you, to learn ways to combat stress, juggling the demands of work and living a more fulfilling life with your loved ones.

“Leave a legacy, make an impact in others!”

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7 Steps To Creating A Healthy Relationship

Everything in life, in order to be a success, requires knowledge and education to some extent. We read, study and take courses on several subjects that we as human beings require in order to live the life we choose to live. If we wish to improve on a certain area of life such as career and education we simply enroll in classes or find alternative methods that will provide us with the information we are seeking. However, we were not taught to educate ourselves on relationships-the most essential factor to living in this world. We must be able to relate to others in order to create an environment that we feel is desirable and supportive to us. Here I am providing 7 steps to having a healthy relationship. Whether you are in a current relationship or seeking one, these are key ingredients to creating and improving the relationship you desire.

1. Know What You Want

Knowing what you want is the foundation to having that which you desire. Have you ever felt like you were going around in circles not really getting anywhere? That is what happens if you do not have a destination in mind. When choosing a relationship you must think of all the things that make a relationship perfect for you. Not what is perfect for anybody else or what you think others want you to have. It must fit you and your life.

2. Being Your Authentic Self

From early on in our lives we have had to learn to play different roles in different situations. Relationships are one of them. How many times have you felt that you had to be or act a certain way in order for a relationship to be what you thought it was supposed to be? We have forgotten how to be ourselves. It is our past experiences and beliefs from the past that keep us from being who we truly are. As individuals in relationships it is our sole responsibility to see all the opportunities there are to heal ourselves and release the past so that we can continue to unfold and become authentic beings.

3. Communication

Saying what we desire, saying what we feel, expressing our deepest fears, sharing our joys and successes are all pieces to communication in relationship. Telling our loved ones what we need and lovingly working through any disagreements and differences are more than essential in a relationship. How can two people come together if they do not know what is going on in their loved one’s world? In order to be crystal clear in relationships we must learn and create a system of communication based on both partner’s needs that then becomes the middle ground where miracles take place.

4. Acceptance

Take me as I am. We love someone because of who they are. In relationships it is up to us to love our partner for who they are and where they are in life. Their lessons are not our lessons to learn. Our only responsibility is to love and accept them as they are. When we try to change someone to make them fit our mold not only are we placing them in a box we are dissociating ourselves from the relationship and ignoring our own fears and needs. Relationships are about accepting and growing at our own pace and together holding each other’s hands along the journey together.

5. Trust

If there is no trust there is no foundation. Next to Love, trust is what makes or breaks a relationship. In order to trust, we must stay completely true to ourselves and to our moral and spiritual beliefs. When we follow what we know in our hearts to be loving then we can be sure that we are giving our partner all the reason to trust us. In order to know what is true we must accept the fact that relationships are where we have the opportunities to grow, become better individuals and free ourselves from all things that are hurtful. Trusting your partner and giving trust to your partner is the greatest gift that will carry a relationship through anything.

6. Play

We have taken everything in life so seriously that we have forgotten what it means to play. We have forgotten what it feels like to let go and play like a child again. Being child-like means letting all your worries, fears, doubts and insecurities go. It means to laugh and have a good time and do things that you normally wouldn’t do. Notice a child’ s behavior. Notice their innocence. Notice their playfulness. It is that same energy that when brought into a relationship opens doors to unlimited possibilities and tons of fun.

7. Self-Love

If you do not love yourself how can you truly love another? You cannot serve from an empty tray. We have learned to believe that everyone else comes first and we come last. We have learned to believe many stories and lies that keep us stuck in the same rut. As you go through the processes of relationships you learn to discover what works and doesn’t work for you. When we can fully accept ourselves and our experiences for what they are and have been then you can really begin to love someone deeply and completely. When you choose to take full responsibility for your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual health then you can truly experience blissful love.

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