An insider’s wishes for successful gay marriages

Exploring Intimacy means allowing for In–to–me-see…

Gay marriage has become legal in several states. We are finally seen as equals and this move was way overdue. Now that many have taken the leap into marriage, or are considering it, I want these unions to last. Not just to endure over time, but to thrive and grow. (Let us prove the conservatives wrong).

Many people (especially in the LGBTIQP communities) crave intimacy, yet go about it in self-destructive or at least self–defeating ways. The crystal meth epidemic in New York is one example. I want us to see ourselves as better than that, and be a strong healthy community, in mind, body, and spirit. Communities are made up of people who truly care for one another.

To me most people give up on relationships way too easily these days, or else they hold on to the idea of “until death do us part” that our parents held so literally. Too often we give up on blissful connecting with our partners and settle for the daily grind of getting through the tough parts, not really connecting in deep heartfelt ways.

The most consistent relationship you will have in your life is the one with yourself.”

This is a really important place to start. Self-love is not shallow, ego driven, narcissism, but a self-care that helps you make good decisions, and sets a standard of how you want to be treated by others.

We connect with people on different levels. At first, we might be attracted on a visual, physical or intellectual, mental level, then we come to know their heart and we fall in love on deeper levels. This helps build a mature lasting love. When we start to tap into new unexplored traits and characters of our partner, we build something new together that doesn’t leave either one behind.

Many avenues can lead to intimacy and getting in tune with your partner or spouse. Here are three easy questions to consider when opposing egos create a power struggle.

Step back and ask:

1. “What would be best for the relationship”? Unless you like playing tug of war, it is so much easier to both get on the same side of the rope and pull together! See your relationship as a third entity worthy of time and care.

2. “Is this really going to matter a year from now”? If not don’t get all heated up about it, know when to apologize, and when to accept forgiveness. I am a big fan of fresh starts.

3. “Am I telling everyone except my partner that we have problems”? The best path to intimacy is to build trust by sharing your thoughts and worries. Opening up makes space for the other to share also.

A simple pause can create meaningful unions that will last as long as you both are willing to do the work it takes to communicate openly and let the love grow.

Reverend Kyle Applegate is an Ordained Inter-Faith Minister and registered in NYC as a marriage officiant as well as a certified Tantric Coach, LGBT Diversity Awareness Educator, and Sexual Healer. He served on the leadership team of national and local Polyamorous Organizations. Kyle is also a member of the Transgender Community Advisory Panel for Callen-Lorde health center in NYC.  

Contact him at: kyle@sacredjourneyhealing.com

The value of relationship coaching

Everyday interactions are influenced by things that happened in the past. But our past does not need to dictate our future. Learn what your life is about from the inside out. Looking within is a powerful path to creating healthy relationships. Overcoming difficulties in any relationship involves finding the strength of inner security. This begins with learning to trust your instincts.

People look at other people in different ways. Some look for beauty, others for flaws. Some see the essence of the person, others hear only spoken words, or they tune into the tone of voice. People sometimes miss what is actually said and hear only what they expect to hear. Or they “project” their thoughts about the other person as if that person were a screen that only reflects what the other is thinking.

People perceive each other through filters and we each have filters that prevent us from actually seeing or hearing what the other is doing or saying. Sometimes people are mirrors for us. They reflect something we did or said, or perhaps simply thought, and we were unaware. We can be grateful for the gift, or resent that the reflector saw through the facade we put up for protection.

What is the energy we protect ourselves from? What are people afraid of when it comes to intimate relationships? Why is it so difficult to know our self? And even more difficult to let others really know who we are, and what we are about? Perhaps this fear is passed down from previous generations? Or does it develop from an accumulation of bumps and hurts received along the way?

Relationship coaching can help you discover your answers. I act as a guide, based on my own relationship experience and stories from hundreds of clients and thousands of friends. I have found that many people are afraid to become aware of their own thoughts!

They internalize that they are not OK and focus on the bad things that happened in the beginning of their lives. Little hurts accumulate and become BIG wounds. In psychological circles, we refer to this as trauma, or stress related illness.

Not everyone is traumatized by their childhood or the things that happen to us over time. Instead, they take the bumps in stride and know the personal growth path as one of learning, rather than one of difficulty. We define these people as having a positive attitude or a sunny disposition. They are fun to be around because they always see the bright side of whatever is going on. They form meaningful connections.

Are you traumatized or wounded? How sunny or cloudy is your attitude toward overcoming difficult relationships and cultivating healthy partnerships? If you are seeing only the clouds, give me a call at 303-428-0968 and let’s find the sunshine together.

Affectionate Touch

We can live our whole lives without sex, but we have a need for touch and affection.

Many think the only way to get touched is through sex. Cuddle Party provides an opportunity for safe, affectionate, nurturing interactions that may or may not include touch. People attend these part communication workshop, part social event in order to meet new people and have comfortable conversation while getting their touch needs met, if desired. Cuddle Party is held in Denver, CO and many other cities around the world. Check out meetup.com and www.cuddleparty.com for more info. You must register to attend.

Keys to Healthy Relationships

I found this article interesting and had to share it with you:

Everyone in the world is in a kind of relationship. Whether it is with a significant other, friend or family, relationships will always be a part of an individual. As stated in the Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, love and belongingness or being in a relationship with other people is vital in a person’s life. Needless to say, it is essential to keep healthy relationships.

But how does an individual keep his relationship healthy? There are definitely many ways to make one’s associations with his fellow men beneficial.

When it comes to family, it is important to spend time together. Little gatherings such as dinner meals will make the members closer. They can get to share stories, talk about various topics, and probably even deal with misunderstandings too. If the children already have their own families, regular get-togethers could still be done to keep the bonds as tight as possible. Besides, these will present opportunities for the different generations to know more about one another.

Relatives, especially the immediate ones, need to maintain healthy connections as well. Although gathering more people in one place at the same is harder, it will certainly be worth it. Just imagine the fun and laughter everybody will have, particularly with the ‘big’ clans.

There are many occasions, such as during the Christmas season, which the family could celebrate together.

Another crucial type of relationship a person has to keep healthy is the ones with friends. An individual will meet countless of people in his lifetime, and many of these would be long-time or close friends. Just like family, friends ought to spend time together.

As most would come from different backgrounds or walks of life, it really would be nice to relate with unique personalities who have distinct life stories.

In addition to the stories (and gossip) to be shared, friends are great to have in times of need. Since a lot of folks live away from home and their families, they usually would have friends as their nearest of kin. Friends are the ones whom people can cry on or communicate their problems with. Of course, a person has to associate himself with genuine individuals.

The last key relationship to strengthen is with a significant other. This is probably the relationship that most people work on in their lives.

Two of the most indispensable values individuals in a romantic relationship must have are love and respect. For this kind of union to work, it has to breathe on true love. It cannot simply operate on things such as money and lust. People need to have sincere affection towards each another.

Respect is the other quality they should have. Each of the party involved ought to have respect to the other individual as a person.

It is also vital to have an open communication with each other. If there are problems or disagreements, these should be talked about as soon as possible.

As the saying “no man is an island” goes, it denotes that every individual is compelled to have relationships to live. And to make everyday living a whole lot better, people simply need to keep healthy relationships.

Next read more articles in advice on relationships

Visit Relationship tips Includes topics on communication, intimacy, jealousy, successful relationships, controlling partners and more. Small steps taken every day will add up to a big success. Star taking small steps to create a solid foundation.

(c) 2011 F. Kaizen. All rights reserved.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Fer_Kaizen

Value of relationship coaching

Everyday interactions are influenced by things that happened in the past. But our past does not need to dictate our future. Learn what your life is about from the inside out. Looking within is a powerful path to creating healthy relationships. Overcoming difficulties in any relationship involves finding the strength of inner security. This begins with learning to trust your instincts.

People look at other people in different ways. Some look for beauty, others for flaws. Some see the essence of the person, others hear only spoken words or they tune into the tone of voice without caring about age or height, weight, gender or their relationship to the speaker. People sometimes miss what is actually said and hear only what they expect to hear. Or they “project” their thoughts about the other person as if that person were a screen that only reflected what the other is thinking.

People perceive each other through filters and we each have filters of our own that prevent us from actually seeing or hearing what the other is doing or saying. Sometimes people are mirrors for us. They reflect something we did or said, or perhaps simply thought, and we were unaware. We can be grateful for the gift, or resent that the reflector saw through the facade we put up for protection.

What is it that we protect ourselves from? What are people afraid of when it comes to intimate relationships? Why is it so difficult to know our self? And even more difficult to let others really know who we are, and what we are about? Perhaps this fear is passed down from previous generations? Or does it develop from an accumulation of bumps and hurts?

I don’t know the answers, I can only guess, based on my own relationship experience and stories from hundreds of clients and thousands of friends. I have found that many people are afraid of their own thoughts! Somehow they internalize that they are not OK. They focus on the bad things that have happened from the beginning of their lives. Little hurts accumulate and become BIG wounds. In psychological circles, we refer to this as trauma, or stress related illness.

Not everyone is traumatized by their childhood or the things that happen to us over time. Instead, they take the bumps in stride and know the path as one of learning, rather than one of difficulty. We define these people as having a positive attitude or a sunny disposition. They are fun to be around because they always see the bright side of whatever is going on. They form meaningful connections.

Are you traumatized or wounded? How sunny or cloudy is your attitude toward overcoming difficult relationships and cultivating healthy partnerships?

Are human beings born helpless?

Human beings are born helpless. We immediately rely on others.  Our need for interaction never ends and this necessity can often cause difficulty in relationships. This blog is intended to help improve difficult relationships through offering tips for understanding how past conditioning influences outcomes. Future is determined by knowing and changing the past. We cannot change what actually happened in the past, but we can alter the way we think about it.   

Newborns rely on the developing senses of sight, sound, smell and taste. These senses allow us to be in touch with this new world. We need to be touched and held. Babies thrive when they are gently stroked and cuddled. We also develop our sixth sense of intuition, which allows us to detect the quality of touch. We learn trust and distrust depending on how quickly our needs are met. We also absorb information about how the caretakers feel about filling those needs. These judgments can cause future difficulty in relationships because something that was said or done when we were children can trigger a feeling in present time that was related to the past.

As we mature, we sense the energy others emit. Emotional intelligence develops and we discern the difference between one facial expression and another. This initial sense of awareness is automatic.  At a young age, we make judgments that we carry in our thoughts throughout our lifetime. Happiness and sadness, anger and joy, register in our brain as different qualities of caring and connection. These emotions register as physical feelings. We express emotion by imitating the people who surround us. Eventually, we learn to manage our “mood.” Mood is a response to the environment that carries a distinctive emotional quality. Emotions are generated by a combination of three factors: inborn temperament, developing personality, and by observing those around us. Temperamental traits remain constant from birth through adulthood. Personality results from preferences that change over time and vary with the circumstances. Emotions result from energy moving throughout the body, in other words: Energy in motion.

Discovering how to activate this energy flow is one useful tool for cultivating healthy partnerships.

Learning about the limitations of temperament and the expansiveness of personality are also valuable skills for overcoming difficult relationships. If you have ever had difficulty in any relationship, then it is a useful first step to become aware of how previous conditioning can interfere with current communications. Learning to let go of the judgments we made as children is a second step to improving today’s situations. Stay tuned for more about how this works in our everyday interactions.

human interaction

 

Cultivating Healthy Relationships

working with insight and intuition

Human beings are born helpless, which means we are immediately in relationship with others. As newborns we rely on developing senses. Sight, sound, smell and taste allow us to be in touch with this new world. We need to be touched and held. Babies who are stroked and cuddled thrive.

Our need for human interaction never ends. From birth, we detect the quality of touch and begin to make judgments. We develop emotional intelligence as we learn to read the meaning of facial expressions. We learn to trust the motivation of others when our needs are met. Babies mature and begin to sense energy fields. This requires that we become self-aware and eventually learn to manage our “mood.” Mood is a quality of feeling or a distinctive emotional quality. Emotions are a result of our internal energy in motion. Emotions are the combination of temperament and personality.

  Continue reading