End of the world as we know it?

The buzz about the end of the world in Dec. 2012 reminds me of the split between mind and body. Is this a political or a metaphysical question? We never actually know what is going to happen next, no matter how much we plan and prepare.

When we take a vacation, we trace our route and say we want to be at one place on this date, and another on that date. Mostly it works, but sometimes there are unexpected turns in the road and magnificent things to see and do that were not planned. Other times mistakes are made and we have to retrace our route, or we lose “time” because we lock the keys in the car, or we sleep poorly because we picked the wrong motel.

When we go to work day after day, mostly we know what to expect and it can be exciting when something different occurs. Sometimes the phone suddenly rings and every thing we planned to do changes. Other times, it is the same ole, same old. One never knows. However, we continue to have expectations and to set our intentions about how we want something to work. If we can live in the mystery of not knowing what is around the next corner, we can always be excited and surprized by what happens. When we have expectations, we are often disappointed.

Which way would you rather live? In disappointment or surprize and excitement? I am one of those people who don’t like surprizes, but I don’t like to be disappointed either, so what is a girl to do?

I like setting my intentions and then love with my arms wide open, letting happen what ever happens and surrendering to the moment. This is not always easy, but recent health problems have left me not knowing what is going to happen next. I am learning to live in the mystery and allowing myself to be pleased with the outcome, what ever it is . This has forced me to slow down and take what comes. It is a hard lesson. My body and mind are not in agreement. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak, and other times my whole self says, “Let’s go!” Yet I don’t have an ounce of energy to follow through.

How does this work for you? And what do you think is going to happen next? I’d love your comments!

An insider’s wishes for successful gay marriages

Exploring Intimacy means allowing for In–to–me-see…

Gay marriage has become legal in several states. We are finally seen as equals and this move was way overdue. Now that many have taken the leap into marriage, or are considering it, I want these unions to last. Not just to endure over time, but to thrive and grow. (Let us prove the conservatives wrong).

Many people (especially in the LGBTIQP communities) crave intimacy, yet go about it in self-destructive or at least self–defeating ways. The crystal meth epidemic in New York is one example. I want us to see ourselves as better than that, and be a strong healthy community, in mind, body, and spirit. Communities are made up of people who truly care for one another.

To me most people give up on relationships way too easily these days, or else they hold on to the idea of “until death do us part” that our parents held so literally. Too often we give up on blissful connecting with our partners and settle for the daily grind of getting through the tough parts, not really connecting in deep heartfelt ways.

The most consistent relationship you will have in your life is the one with yourself.”

This is a really important place to start. Self-love is not shallow, ego driven, narcissism, but a self-care that helps you make good decisions, and sets a standard of how you want to be treated by others.

We connect with people on different levels. At first, we might be attracted on a visual, physical or intellectual, mental level, then we come to know their heart and we fall in love on deeper levels. This helps build a mature lasting love. When we start to tap into new unexplored traits and characters of our partner, we build something new together that doesn’t leave either one behind.

Many avenues can lead to intimacy and getting in tune with your partner or spouse. Here are three easy questions to consider when opposing egos create a power struggle.

Step back and ask:

1. “What would be best for the relationship”? Unless you like playing tug of war, it is so much easier to both get on the same side of the rope and pull together! See your relationship as a third entity worthy of time and care.

2. “Is this really going to matter a year from now”? If not don’t get all heated up about it, know when to apologize, and when to accept forgiveness. I am a big fan of fresh starts.

3. “Am I telling everyone except my partner that we have problems”? The best path to intimacy is to build trust by sharing your thoughts and worries. Opening up makes space for the other to share also.

A simple pause can create meaningful unions that will last as long as you both are willing to do the work it takes to communicate openly and let the love grow.

Reverend Kyle Applegate is an Ordained Inter-Faith Minister and registered in NYC as a marriage officiant as well as a certified Tantric Coach, LGBT Diversity Awareness Educator, and Sexual Healer. He served on the leadership team of national and local Polyamorous Organizations. Kyle is also a member of the Transgender Community Advisory Panel for Callen-Lorde health center in NYC.  

Contact him at: kyle@sacredjourneyhealing.com

The value of relationship coaching

Everyday interactions are influenced by things that happened in the past. But our past does not need to dictate our future. Learn what your life is about from the inside out. Looking within is a powerful path to creating healthy relationships. Overcoming difficulties in any relationship involves finding the strength of inner security. This begins with learning to trust your instincts.

People look at other people in different ways. Some look for beauty, others for flaws. Some see the essence of the person, others hear only spoken words, or they tune into the tone of voice. People sometimes miss what is actually said and hear only what they expect to hear. Or they “project” their thoughts about the other person as if that person were a screen that only reflects what the other is thinking.

People perceive each other through filters and we each have filters that prevent us from actually seeing or hearing what the other is doing or saying. Sometimes people are mirrors for us. They reflect something we did or said, or perhaps simply thought, and we were unaware. We can be grateful for the gift, or resent that the reflector saw through the facade we put up for protection.

What is the energy we protect ourselves from? What are people afraid of when it comes to intimate relationships? Why is it so difficult to know our self? And even more difficult to let others really know who we are, and what we are about? Perhaps this fear is passed down from previous generations? Or does it develop from an accumulation of bumps and hurts received along the way?

Relationship coaching can help you discover your answers. I act as a guide, based on my own relationship experience and stories from hundreds of clients and thousands of friends. I have found that many people are afraid to become aware of their own thoughts!

They internalize that they are not OK and focus on the bad things that happened in the beginning of their lives. Little hurts accumulate and become BIG wounds. In psychological circles, we refer to this as trauma, or stress related illness.

Not everyone is traumatized by their childhood or the things that happen to us over time. Instead, they take the bumps in stride and know the personal growth path as one of learning, rather than one of difficulty. We define these people as having a positive attitude or a sunny disposition. They are fun to be around because they always see the bright side of whatever is going on. They form meaningful connections.

Are you traumatized or wounded? How sunny or cloudy is your attitude toward overcoming difficult relationships and cultivating healthy partnerships? If you are seeing only the clouds, give me a call at 303-428-0968 and let’s find the sunshine together.

Affectionate Touch

We can live our whole lives without sex, but we have a need for touch and affection.

Many think the only way to get touched is through sex. Cuddle Party provides an opportunity for safe, affectionate, nurturing interactions that may or may not include touch. People attend these part communication workshop, part social event in order to meet new people and have comfortable conversation while getting their touch needs met, if desired. Cuddle Party is held in Denver, CO and many other cities around the world. Check out meetup.com and www.cuddleparty.com for more info. You must register to attend.

Having a Good Sex Life is Essential – Intimacy Tips For Couples

Sex life may be compromise the older we grow, as we have more responsibilities like work, taking care of business, hanging out with friends and acquaintances. Busy schedules make it easy to forget the need for regular sex. It should be remembered that sexual health is part of health as well. Having a great sex life should not be difficult but of course there is work to do.

First and foremost, communicate about your desires come first. There is no great sex without mutual understanding. Talk to your partner about the frequency of sex, what each other think about the quality of sex, what you like and do not like about the current sex life, and most importantly what kind of changes both parties would like to see. Try to hold this sort of meeting regularly, like monthly or weekly. This can be done on the coffee table or in bed. Communication about your sex life is the first and most important step and cannot be skipped.

Next is to plan time for sex. If you have a great body and are energetic throughout the day, you can probably have great sex anytime you liked. However, for most of us mortals that is not the case, sadly. Therefore, plan to have great sex. If workdays really cannot work for it, you would have to take it to he weekends. Planning for sex also means planning for everything before sex; a romantic time together, followed by good conversation, and then foreplay and then sex

Last but not least, mind the mindset about sex. As with most conservative societies, sex is considered a “dirty” topic. If you or your partner feels that sex is bad or dirty, then you are never going to enjoy sex. It is crucial to face sex as it is. Sex is a simple requirement of life, such as necessary as water, food and sleep. Having a conservative and “closed” society throws sex into “dirty”. Hence, know your mindset and that of your partner to make sure both of you don’t have the wrong mindset about sex.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/1723279

Sexuality and Spirituality

We are born sexual beings. Some say we are also spiritual beings having a physical experience. Others say they don’t believe in spirituality. What do we mean when we talk about spirit?

For me, both sex and spirit are like electricity. I don’t know how they work, but I sure like the power they produce. This is also true for the type of intimacy I find in various relationships. When I experience healthy communication that leads to intimacy, it is powerful. When I experience spirituality, it is the spirit of enthusiasm; the joy and exhilaration that comes from knowing I am in the right place at the right time for the highest good of all concerned.

For some, sex is a casual experience that occurs randomly in a chaotic universe. For others, it is a life long commitment to one person who honors the body as “the temple of the Holy Spirit.” At least that is what I was taught: find a mate similar to yourself, get married, make babies, and live happily ever after. My parents did that (although they didn’t look too happy to us six kids, especially after 50 years).  I tried it and my marriage lasted almost 25 years. When I thought about the next 25 years (I am likely to live to be 75), I began to make different choices.

The first thing I did was to join an Intentional Community Harbin Hot Springs in Northern California just happened to be clothing optional, it was also Heart Consciousness Church. The land and water were old Native American healing grounds. We honored the physical body as the spirit of the land. Sex was  readily available, but there was little intimacy as I now understand it. While living there I began thinking of writing a book about various kinds of intimate relationships, and what I now think about as the “Energetics of Sex and Sexuality.”

Sexuality, to me, is our identity as male and/or female. It encompasses the gender roles we all play.

Sex is what we do when we raise our energy and unite with another person for the purpose of procreation and pleasure. I believe sex is intended to be pleasurable; right? Or is it only to make babies as many of us were taught?

Today’s social climate shouts, “Sex is for Fun and Good for Everyone.” But where is the intimacy? And what about the spiritual component of sex? 

The book I eventually completed talks about INTO-ME-SEE. It teaches that self-love and self-pleasuring are as important as cultivating healthy relationships on every level of our lives. Exploring Intimacy addresses the roles of insight and intuition as we learn to love ourselves, which we must do before we can offer love to any one else.

Exploring Intimacy provides several methods for achieving an Integrated Self, and looks at how gender roles have evolved over the years. 

The book explores the scientific component of the vital life force or libido that is alive and active in all of our relationships, as well as during a sexual encounter. It explains the meaning of Kundalini and the Path of Manifestation as well as the Path of Liberation. I hope you will check it out (ask for it at your local library, that is a great way to support an author, and also makes it available for others in the future).

All of life has a sexual component – from when we are born until we die. What we do with our vital life force determines our exploration and eventual integration of sex and spirit, our sexuality and our spirituality.

Giving and Receiving

In the past decade, since the events of
what we now call 9/11, many of us seek deeper insights into our
individual biographies. My story involves what happened to my family
as a result of an automobile accident. Other stories are formed
around personal losses due to the tumbling of the twin towers.
Everyone has a biographical story that begins at a time when we ask,
“What is it all about?”

Some people believe we are in the midst
of a multidimensional crisis that involves: ecological, political,
economic, intellectual, psychological, social, and spiritual beliefs.
The world is shifting as evidenced by the various revolutions as well
as the many recent earthquakes and major storms.

We can see more news and know what is
going on in many remote corners of the world more quickly than ever
before, but does this help us feel connected to the reality of what
is happening? We know we are feeling something, but too often it
feels out of control. We cannot control mother nature, nor human
nature. Yet when disaster or revolution strikes, the best in people
often comes out, and we join together in ways previously
unimaginable.

I believe people are basically good,
and that we desire to work together toward future goals for the
highest good of everyone concerned. However, this isn’t always true,
some people only want what is best for the few rather than the many.
In the recent past, competition, greed, and corruption appeared to be
winning, but the tide is turning. As a result of the world wide web,
people are becoming connected to the wholeness of our small planet
and awakening to the fact that what happens to one of us, happens to
all of us. This is a difficult concept to grasp, because it appears
there are winners and losers all of the time. Attempts to conquer and
divide seem to pit one group against the other. Too often, people sit
silently by accepting the status quo, but that is changing. Through
the internet we have opportunity to reach like minded people and
therefore be connected on many different levels.

But connection takes effort. We cannot
expect to find intimacy and healthy relationships simply by reading
blogs or social media sites. We must form an opinion and respond.
Writers don’t write for their own enjoyment, most write because they
have something to say they feel is important, and they hope someone
is listening. The same is true for most artists and craft  people,
film makers, even sports figures or race car drivers. Motivation
comes from an inner place, but they desire an audience to enjoy their
endeavors.

This is what really connects us: the
mutual enjoyment of each others activities, thoughts, and creations,
and the mutuality of coming together to overcome an oppressor or
recover from a natural disaster.

Enjoyment is a two way street of giving
and receiving. The best relationships happen when we cannot tell the
difference between what we are offering and what we desire in return.
When we are willing to give before we receive, and to receive so that
we have more to give, the world is a much happier place. When we are
busily hoarding stuff or isolating ourselves, the world misses the
precious piece that we embody, that piece that is unique from anyone
else’s offering. What do you have to give?