Public vs Private

healthy-relationship-hearts-11Public vs Private

The launch of Sheri Winston’s book was successful. My visit with the father of my grown children also went well at beautiful Pipe Lake near Seattle. A weekend like this pushes my public vs private conflict big time. I have always been open with my kids, there is very little they do not know about me and my life including my sexuality. It is one of the reasons my marriage ended.

I believe”sex” and intimacy issues are a normal part of life. Honesty and openness are my highest values in every relationship.

Because of this I am honest about my attraction to women as well as men. In many circles this is a no-no. You are supposed to choose. Make one commitment to last the rest of your life. It used to be like that for heterosexuals, however today they have more freedom than when I was growing up.  Homosexuality is also more acceptable. But the stigma around loving more than one remains, although this too is changing.

Polyamory is becoming a choice for many. What is your honest choice?

 

 

Creating Change

Shifting From  Me to We

Andrea Costantine (http://andreacostantine.com/) gives a great presentation on being inspired to make a difference in the world by getting involved and creating community through compassion, contribution, and connection. Andrea believes that when people come together, change can be made.

She says,”When we gain a sense of community, separation dissipates, leading to happier, healthier, more compassionate human beings.” When this happens then we are more interested and willing to contribute to the well-being of others.

Some of us touch other people’s lives in our daily interactions by doing our best at what ever it is that we do. If we work in a profession where we do not have direct contact with people, we still make a difference in their lives with the products we create or services we offer. Some of us make time to volunteer in various ways where we connect with children or animals, or help others learn to read, or participate in a community garden. Multiple opportunities exist to be of service and make connections with each other.

This is exactly what Cuddle Party (http://CuddleParty.com) is all about. People come together, at first thinking about getting their own needs met for safe, affectionate touch. But they soon realize it is about giving as well as receiving. Whether they are being touched or doing the touching, it is reciprocal, and nurturing for everyone involved. After a few minutes, there is no difference between giving and receiving; it feels just as good to touch as to be touched. And this is the way all of life should feel when the barriers between YOU and ME dissipate, and we recognize that “We are One.”

What does this phrase “We are One” mean? We seem to be hearing and seeing it more and more often. It is what community is all about – coming together in UNITY. What happens to one of us, happens to all of us. Whether it is a fatal shooting, or a simply wounding with words, we are all victims to the violence that we are surrounded by. Sometimes it seems no matter which way we turn, we are being violated by GMO products or some other pesticide in our food source, or bombarded by political or religious actions that seem totally out of our control. We shield ourselves from this by shutting down to the good and the possibility of change in the world when we succumb to helplessness. We learn to be helpless when we make it all about ME and do not feel there is anything that I have to give to YOU.

A simple gesture of caring, a smile, or a kind word can make a huge difference in someone’s life. When we open to the idea that “everyone matters” and that everyone is important no matter what they are doing. When we accept each other without judgment about who’s way of thinking or acting is Good or Bad, we are able to open our hearts as well as our minds to this concept of “We are One.”

What ways have you found to make a difference in the world?

Intimacy in Marriage – 5 Tips for Spicing Things Up In Your Bedroom

One way to strengthen a marriage relationship is to build or rebuild intimacy. There are several forms of intimacy – sexual, emotional, intellectual, and the spiritual. This article is going to deal with sexual intimacy and how healthy activity in the bedroom can help safeguard your marriage.

The most exciting place, perhaps, in nurturing marital intimacy is the bedroom. The bedroom can be a place of solitude and comfort as a couple experiences intimacy together. It helps strengthen the bond between a couple and can be a good gauge for how solid a marriage is.

Here are 5 tips for spicing up the bedroom and enhancing sexual intimacy:

    1. 1. Introduce creative changes to your sexual routines. You may want to try a new position or a surprise that will take out the monotony, prevent dullness and ignite the flames of romance. You may also want to create a stimulating environment in the bedroom that will help create a desire to engage in passionate lovemaking.
    1. 2. Recognize and appreciate the value of foreplay. Many couples go straight for intercourse which contributes to a sense of routine. Exploring how foreplay can build intimacy and lead to a more passionate lovemaking will do wonders for your time together in the bedroom. Kissing, hugging, touching each other can lead to a better orgasmic pleasure.
3. Climax together. This is a bit tricky, but with practice it can be done. When done properly it can enhance your sense of intimacy a thousand fold. As you experience climax at the same time, you develop a sense of closeness that is extremely unique. You must learn how to accept the difference between the male and female when it comes to orgasm and make them work to your advantage.
4. Use some tools to heighten sexual intimacy. In Christian circles sex is taboo and we often get the idea that sex shouldn’t involve things like vibrators or creams. But these tools aren’t sinful and they can help enhance pleasure and closeness as you learn to become more vulnerable with each other. Exploring what feels good and being able to communicate that, does wonders for healthy intimacy in the bedroom.
5.Take advantage of the power of touch to build physical intimacy. Taking extra time for good personal hygiene, for setting the mood and for playful exploration by way of touch will create a powerful connection that leads to more pleasure and a more gratifying sexual experience. There are many ways to use touch to build physical intimacy.

These five tips for spicing up things in your bedroom will help build and nurture intimacy in your marriage and enhance a sense of affection and familiarity. Remember that healthy intimacy takes hard work, but if you break down that work into small achievable goals it will be easier to accomplish. These tips will help you grow together as a couple which is super important for healthy intimacy in marriages. Growing together keeps you focused on your relationship and on the marriage rather than your selfish desires.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/6377786

Affectionate Touch

We can live our whole lives without sex, but we have a need for touch and affection.

Many think the only way to get touched is through sex. Cuddle Party provides an opportunity for safe, affectionate, nurturing touch.  People attend these part-workshop, part social event in order to meet new people, have comfortable conversation and to get their touch quota met. Cuddle Party is held about once per month in Denver, CO and many other cities around the world. Check out www.cuddleparty.com for more info and to RSVP this Sunday, Sept. 4th @ 3 pm.

SEE videos and lots of testimonials.

Radical Conversations in Relationships

When we truly want to learn more about another person, there is unlimited value in the process of deep communication.  Good business team building and satisfying romantic partnerships both require communication that results in radical conversations.

Radical conversation involves full sharing and disclosure of information pertinent to the task or issues. Making time to discern what is important to each situation results in greater success on current projects and greater personal health. Each radical conversation leads to the self-discovery of what it is like to be me, while hearing what it is like to be you. When each one desires to continuously discover more about both our self AND the other person, this kind of exchange can fulfill  the promise of learning more about the core of our being.

When we are able to understand the other people we work with, or live with, the result is healthier relationships on every level. This does not require a tremendous amount of time once common language regarding personality traits and temperament is established. The next step is the self-awareness to take responsibility as we speak.  And lastly a willingness to withstand a genuine encounter with the truly Other.

This level of communication requires that:

1} The people involved commit to sustaining the conversation over time. Not everything can be disclosed without previous thought and reflection.

2) Each person agrees to talk openly about their values and assumes responsibility for their own psychological well-being. This means thinking before speaking and knowing your personal boundaries regarding what is important to expose at work and a willingness toward full exposure at home.

3) Each must commit to sharing their own experience without reproaching the others about past hurts or future expectations. Similarly, each one listens to the others without feeling defensive about what is being said. Know that a person’s sharing is always more about them, even if it seems to be directed toward you. Quit taking it personally.

The joy of Exploring Into-me-see at this level requires some effort, but the results can be so rewarding, that it is worth the effort. Learn more in Exploring Intimacy: Cultivating Healthy Relationships through Insight and Intuition, published by Rowman and Littlefield, 2010.

Available at www.amazon.com,  www.SuzannRobins.com or www.wild iris market

What do Rainbows have to do with Relationships?

healthy relationshipsMy company is called Inner Visions & Rainbow Resources because I work with the Inner Rainbow. One of my coaching and training techniques helps to improve relationships both at home and at work.

Our bodies are composed of an endocrine system that connects to our brain. This hormone system influences our health and well-being. It impacts our relationships. When hormones are out of balance we may become depressed and lethargic, or angry and overly aggressive. Hormonal balance brings joy and ease to relationships.

When we become aware of the inner workings of our body’s mind, we gain more control of our mood, of emotions, and of our potential for pleasure. These three things go hand in hand. Rather than “controlling our e-motions” or energy in motion, it is good to let them move ~~ As long as we do not move in a way that is harmful to anyone, including our self. When we are depressed, there is a lack of movement. When we are angry or overly aggressive, some people feel harmed by our tone of voice. In healthy relationships an ebb and flow of a raised voice tone is more easily tolerated. In a work situation or in front of small children, it is not appropriate to raise your voice in an angry manner. Under those circumstances, control is required; just as we would not act out sexually at work or in front of small children. There is a time and place for everything.

As children become teenagers, it is easier for them to understand that sometimes adults need to vent their anger by using a louder tone of voice. In an employee counseling session, it might be necessary for a worker to practice speaking up for what they believe is “right.” But in either situation if the speaker is out of control, the use of a loud and angry tone of voice is considered harmful. Often the tone is heard, but not the words. When this happens the purpose and meaning behind the communication is lost.

So what do these relationship guidelines have to do with rainbows? We each have an inner rainbow of colors that runs from the bottom of the spine to the top of the head and corresponds with our endocrine/hormonal system. Each color has a meaning. Using these colors and their corresponding attribute is an easy way to learn to “run energy.” Activating our energy body, in stillness and in silence, is one effective method of keeping depression, anger and aggression under control. If our energy is blocked, or flowing too freely, walking, dancing, playing sports, physically working on a project, or even cleaning are healthy ways to keep the energy and e-motions moving in a positive direction.

Becoming aware of the inner rainbow is a simple method for either slowing down or speeding up the endocrine responses that cause both our actions and our reactions to events. Just as we can learn to vary our breathing and heart rate, we can vary the energy that flows through out the body and mind. Learning to do this takes a bit of effort, but once learned, it is as easy as brushing your teeth or taking a shower. The trick is to remember to tap the inner rainbow and enjoy its appearance as a way to brighten your life and improve your relationships.

Are human beings born helpless?

Human beings are born helpless. We immediately rely on others.  Our need for interaction never ends and this necessity can often cause difficulty in relationships. This blog is intended to help improve difficult relationships through offering tips for understanding how past conditioning influences outcomes. Future is determined by knowing and changing the past. We cannot change what actually happened in the past, but we can alter the way we think about it.   

Newborns rely on the developing senses of sight, sound, smell and taste. These senses allow us to be in touch with this new world. We need to be touched and held. Babies thrive when they are gently stroked and cuddled. We also develop our sixth sense of intuition, which allows us to detect the quality of touch. We learn trust and distrust depending on how quickly our needs are met. We also absorb information about how the caretakers feel about filling those needs. These judgments can cause future difficulty in relationships because something that was said or done when we were children can trigger a feeling in present time that was related to the past.

As we mature, we sense the energy others emit. Emotional intelligence develops and we discern the difference between one facial expression and another. This initial sense of awareness is automatic.  At a young age, we make judgments that we carry in our thoughts throughout our lifetime. Happiness and sadness, anger and joy, register in our brain as different qualities of caring and connection. These emotions register as physical feelings. We express emotion by imitating the people who surround us. Eventually, we learn to manage our “mood.” Mood is a response to the environment that carries a distinctive emotional quality. Emotions are generated by a combination of three factors: inborn temperament, developing personality, and by observing those around us. Temperamental traits remain constant from birth through adulthood. Personality results from preferences that change over time and vary with the circumstances. Emotions result from energy moving throughout the body, in other words: Energy in motion.

Discovering how to activate this energy flow is one useful tool for cultivating healthy partnerships.

Learning about the limitations of temperament and the expansiveness of personality are also valuable skills for overcoming difficult relationships. If you have ever had difficulty in any relationship, then it is a useful first step to become aware of how previous conditioning can interfere with current communications. Learning to let go of the judgments we made as children is a second step to improving today’s situations. Stay tuned for more about how this works in our everyday interactions.

human interaction

 

Cultivating Healthy Relationships

working with insight and intuition

Human beings are born helpless, which means we are immediately in relationship with others. As newborns we rely on developing senses. Sight, sound, smell and taste allow us to be in touch with this new world. We need to be touched and held. Babies who are stroked and cuddled thrive.

Our need for human interaction never ends. From birth, we detect the quality of touch and begin to make judgments. We develop emotional intelligence as we learn to read the meaning of facial expressions. We learn to trust the motivation of others when our needs are met. Babies mature and begin to sense energy fields. This requires that we become self-aware and eventually learn to manage our “mood.” Mood is a quality of feeling or a distinctive emotional quality. Emotions are a result of our internal energy in motion. Emotions are the combination of temperament and personality.

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