Public vs Private

healthy-relationship-hearts-11Public vs Private

The launch of Sheri Winston’s book was successful. My visit with the father of my grown children also went well at beautiful Pipe Lake near Seattle. A weekend like this pushes my public vs private conflict big time. I have always been open with my kids, there is very little they do not know about me and my life including my sexuality. It is one of the reasons my marriage ended.

I believe”sex” and intimacy issues are a normal part of life. Honesty and openness are my highest values in every relationship.

Because of this I am honest about my attraction to women as well as men. In many circles this is a no-no. You are supposed to choose. Make one commitment to last the rest of your life. It used to be like that for heterosexuals, however today they have more freedom than when I was growing up.  Homosexuality is also more acceptable. But the stigma around loving more than one remains, although this too is changing.

Polyamory is becoming a choice for many. What is your honest choice?

 

 

What do Rainbows have to do with Relationships?

healthy relationshipsMy company is called Inner Visions & Rainbow Resources because I work with the Inner Rainbow. One of my coaching and training techniques helps to improve relationships both at home and at work.

Our bodies are composed of an endocrine system that connects to our brain. This hormone system influences our health and well-being. It impacts our relationships. When hormones are out of balance we may become depressed and lethargic, or angry and overly aggressive. Hormonal balance brings joy and ease to relationships.

When we become aware of the inner workings of our body’s mind, we gain more control of our mood, of emotions, and of our potential for pleasure. These three things go hand in hand. Rather than “controlling our e-motions” or energy in motion, it is good to let them move ~~ As long as we do not move in a way that is harmful to anyone, including our self. When we are depressed, there is a lack of movement. When we are angry or overly aggressive, some people feel harmed by our tone of voice. In healthy relationships an ebb and flow of a raised voice tone is more easily tolerated. In a work situation or in front of small children, it is not appropriate to raise your voice in an angry manner. Under those circumstances, control is required; just as we would not act out sexually at work or in front of small children. There is a time and place for everything.

As children become teenagers, it is easier for them to understand that sometimes adults need to vent their anger by using a louder tone of voice. In an employee counseling session, it might be necessary for a worker to practice speaking up for what they believe is “right.” But in either situation if the speaker is out of control, the use of a loud and angry tone of voice is considered harmful. Often the tone is heard, but not the words. When this happens the purpose and meaning behind the communication is lost.

So what do these relationship guidelines have to do with rainbows? We each have an inner rainbow of colors that runs from the bottom of the spine to the top of the head and corresponds with our endocrine/hormonal system. Each color has a meaning. Using these colors and their corresponding attribute is an easy way to learn to “run energy.” Activating our energy body, in stillness and in silence, is one effective method of keeping depression, anger and aggression under control. If our energy is blocked, or flowing too freely, walking, dancing, playing sports, physically working on a project, or even cleaning are healthy ways to keep the energy and e-motions moving in a positive direction.

Becoming aware of the inner rainbow is a simple method for either slowing down or speeding up the endocrine responses that cause both our actions and our reactions to events. Just as we can learn to vary our breathing and heart rate, we can vary the energy that flows through out the body and mind. Learning to do this takes a bit of effort, but once learned, it is as easy as brushing your teeth or taking a shower. The trick is to remember to tap the inner rainbow and enjoy its appearance as a way to brighten your life and improve your relationships.

Relationships @work

Team building is essential to form a healthy network among individuals who work TOGETHER toward common interests and objectives. Practical steps can be taken to build and stabilize what is known as “social coherence.” Social coherence occurs when a harmonious alignment of various relationships allows for the efficient flow of physical and psychic energy. Adequate communication skills must be utilized for optimal collective cohesion, which then results in a working group taking positive action toward an end goal rather than becoming entangled in negative emotions.

Cultivating Healthy Relationships through Insight and Intuition

Suzann addresses relationship issues both at home and at work

Contemporary scientists have determined that every emotion results in a physiological response called “stress.” Mentally, we label the quality of our response as positive or negative. During a perceived positive response the internal process is efficient, free-flowing and easy. Negative responses result in anger and resentment that is hard on the body and undermine social cohesion. These negative responses can actually cause the body physical harm, which later results in sickness or ill-health. This leads to the breakdown of the team.

One of the main sources of stress and incoherence, also known as lack of cooperation, stems from communication problems among teammates, almost as if they speak different languages. Co-workers are basically civil and cooperative. However, when a new team comes together, many people have anxieties, judgments, frustrations, and preconceptions that remain under the surface. When these unexpressed feelings remain unspoken, they are unconsciously communicated. This creates energetic separations that result in miscommunication and other relational problems.Task performance suffers. Problem solving, decision making, and activities that require focus and coordination are compromised.

An ongoing practice of communication-building techniques can establish coherence. A new base-line can be established for effectively dealing with stress. This involves learning to recognize and to consciously shift the ongoing emotional undercurrents. Judgments, negative projections, insecurity, and worry that creates incoherence and wastes energy need to be eliminated.

Team coherence can be achieved once individuals are engaged in a simple and fun process of learning communication skills mixed with relaxation techniques that have been shown to increase mental and emotional flexibility. This process can also promote resilience and the capacity for team mates to be in charge of their emotions and in turn their physical and mental health. Flexibility and resilience can dramatically reduce stress-related energy drains during day-to-day activities and interactions, even in the midst of challenging situations.

Stress reduction and relaxation training systems that establish common definitions for emotions, and also utilize the breath and creative visualization, have been used with individuals in health care, education, law enforcement, corporate and military settings with significantly improved outcomes. Contact Suzann Robins at 303-428-0968 for individual or group coaching on these simple to learn techniques.

Are human beings born helpless?

Human beings are born helpless. We immediately rely on others.  Our need for interaction never ends and this necessity can often cause difficulty in relationships. This blog is intended to help improve difficult relationships through offering tips for understanding how past conditioning influences outcomes. Future is determined by knowing and changing the past. We cannot change what actually happened in the past, but we can alter the way we think about it.   

Newborns rely on the developing senses of sight, sound, smell and taste. These senses allow us to be in touch with this new world. We need to be touched and held. Babies thrive when they are gently stroked and cuddled. We also develop our sixth sense of intuition, which allows us to detect the quality of touch. We learn trust and distrust depending on how quickly our needs are met. We also absorb information about how the caretakers feel about filling those needs. These judgments can cause future difficulty in relationships because something that was said or done when we were children can trigger a feeling in present time that was related to the past.

As we mature, we sense the energy others emit. Emotional intelligence develops and we discern the difference between one facial expression and another. This initial sense of awareness is automatic.  At a young age, we make judgments that we carry in our thoughts throughout our lifetime. Happiness and sadness, anger and joy, register in our brain as different qualities of caring and connection. These emotions register as physical feelings. We express emotion by imitating the people who surround us. Eventually, we learn to manage our “mood.” Mood is a response to the environment that carries a distinctive emotional quality. Emotions are generated by a combination of three factors: inborn temperament, developing personality, and by observing those around us. Temperamental traits remain constant from birth through adulthood. Personality results from preferences that change over time and vary with the circumstances. Emotions result from energy moving throughout the body, in other words: Energy in motion.

Discovering how to activate this energy flow is one useful tool for cultivating healthy partnerships.

Learning about the limitations of temperament and the expansiveness of personality are also valuable skills for overcoming difficult relationships. If you have ever had difficulty in any relationship, then it is a useful first step to become aware of how previous conditioning can interfere with current communications. Learning to let go of the judgments we made as children is a second step to improving today’s situations. Stay tuned for more about how this works in our everyday interactions.