Public vs Private

healthy-relationship-hearts-11Public vs Private

The launch of Sheri Winston’s book was successful. My visit with the father of my grown children also went well at beautiful Pipe Lake near Seattle. A weekend like this pushes my public vs private conflict big time. I have always been open with my kids, there is very little they do not know about me and my life including my sexuality. It is one of the reasons my marriage ended.

I believe”sex” and intimacy issues are a normal part of life. Honesty and openness are my highest values in every relationship.

Because of this I am honest about my attraction to women as well as men. In many circles this is a no-no. You are supposed to choose. Make one commitment to last the rest of your life. It used to be like that for heterosexuals, however today they have more freedom than when I was growing up.  Homosexuality is also more acceptable. But the stigma around loving more than one remains, although this too is changing.

Polyamory is becoming a choice for many. What is your honest choice?

 

 

Creating Change

Shifting From  Me to We

Andrea Costantine (http://andreacostantine.com/) gives a great presentation on being inspired to make a difference in the world by getting involved and creating community through compassion, contribution, and connection. Andrea believes that when people come together, change can be made.

She says,”When we gain a sense of community, separation dissipates, leading to happier, healthier, more compassionate human beings.” When this happens then we are more interested and willing to contribute to the well-being of others.

Some of us touch other people’s lives in our daily interactions by doing our best at what ever it is that we do. If we work in a profession where we do not have direct contact with people, we still make a difference in their lives with the products we create or services we offer. Some of us make time to volunteer in various ways where we connect with children or animals, or help others learn to read, or participate in a community garden. Multiple opportunities exist to be of service and make connections with each other.

This is exactly what Cuddle Party (http://CuddleParty.com) is all about. People come together, at first thinking about getting their own needs met for safe, affectionate touch. But they soon realize it is about giving as well as receiving. Whether they are being touched or doing the touching, it is reciprocal, and nurturing for everyone involved. After a few minutes, there is no difference between giving and receiving; it feels just as good to touch as to be touched. And this is the way all of life should feel when the barriers between YOU and ME dissipate, and we recognize that “We are One.”

What does this phrase “We are One” mean? We seem to be hearing and seeing it more and more often. It is what community is all about – coming together in UNITY. What happens to one of us, happens to all of us. Whether it is a fatal shooting, or a simply wounding with words, we are all victims to the violence that we are surrounded by. Sometimes it seems no matter which way we turn, we are being violated by GMO products or some other pesticide in our food source, or bombarded by political or religious actions that seem totally out of our control. We shield ourselves from this by shutting down to the good and the possibility of change in the world when we succumb to helplessness. We learn to be helpless when we make it all about ME and do not feel there is anything that I have to give to YOU.

A simple gesture of caring, a smile, or a kind word can make a huge difference in someone’s life. When we open to the idea that “everyone matters” and that everyone is important no matter what they are doing. When we accept each other without judgment about who’s way of thinking or acting is Good or Bad, we are able to open our hearts as well as our minds to this concept of “We are One.”

What ways have you found to make a difference in the world?

Intimacy in Marriage – 5 Tips for Spicing Things Up In Your Bedroom

One way to strengthen a marriage relationship is to build or rebuild intimacy. There are several forms of intimacy – sexual, emotional, intellectual, and the spiritual. This article is going to deal with sexual intimacy and how healthy activity in the bedroom can help safeguard your marriage.

The most exciting place, perhaps, in nurturing marital intimacy is the bedroom. The bedroom can be a place of solitude and comfort as a couple experiences intimacy together. It helps strengthen the bond between a couple and can be a good gauge for how solid a marriage is.

Here are 5 tips for spicing up the bedroom and enhancing sexual intimacy:

    1. 1. Introduce creative changes to your sexual routines. You may want to try a new position or a surprise that will take out the monotony, prevent dullness and ignite the flames of romance. You may also want to create a stimulating environment in the bedroom that will help create a desire to engage in passionate lovemaking.
    1. 2. Recognize and appreciate the value of foreplay. Many couples go straight for intercourse which contributes to a sense of routine. Exploring how foreplay can build intimacy and lead to a more passionate lovemaking will do wonders for your time together in the bedroom. Kissing, hugging, touching each other can lead to a better orgasmic pleasure.
3. Climax together. This is a bit tricky, but with practice it can be done. When done properly it can enhance your sense of intimacy a thousand fold. As you experience climax at the same time, you develop a sense of closeness that is extremely unique. You must learn how to accept the difference between the male and female when it comes to orgasm and make them work to your advantage.
4. Use some tools to heighten sexual intimacy. In Christian circles sex is taboo and we often get the idea that sex shouldn’t involve things like vibrators or creams. But these tools aren’t sinful and they can help enhance pleasure and closeness as you learn to become more vulnerable with each other. Exploring what feels good and being able to communicate that, does wonders for healthy intimacy in the bedroom.
5.Take advantage of the power of touch to build physical intimacy. Taking extra time for good personal hygiene, for setting the mood and for playful exploration by way of touch will create a powerful connection that leads to more pleasure and a more gratifying sexual experience. There are many ways to use touch to build physical intimacy.

These five tips for spicing up things in your bedroom will help build and nurture intimacy in your marriage and enhance a sense of affection and familiarity. Remember that healthy intimacy takes hard work, but if you break down that work into small achievable goals it will be easier to accomplish. These tips will help you grow together as a couple which is super important for healthy intimacy in marriages. Growing together keeps you focused on your relationship and on the marriage rather than your selfish desires.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/6377786

Affectionate Touch

We can live our whole lives without sex, but we have a need for touch and affection.

Many think the only way to get touched is through sex. Cuddle Party provides an opportunity for safe, affectionate, nurturing touch.  People attend these part-workshop, part social event in order to meet new people, have comfortable conversation and to get their touch quota met. Cuddle Party is held about once per month in Denver, CO and many other cities around the world. Check out www.cuddleparty.com for more info and to RSVP this Sunday, Sept. 4th @ 3 pm.

SEE videos and lots of testimonials.

Watery Rainbows

Our bodies consist of mostly water, as hard as that is to comprehend. Although it appears to be different, this is not a solid universe. Everything is fluid. Babies enter this world from a watery sack, and my idea of a “good” death is to float away in a warm body of water.

Water is interesting because the same cup can be liquid, solid (ice) or gas (steam), in just a matter of several minutes. Sometimes all of life seems to be as fluid. Within minutes, our lives can change.

When my oldest son, Joe, was 10 years old, we moved from a small, quiet community in West Virginia to a large, busy suburb of Los Angles. Within the first month after we arrived, he was in a serious accident. In the minutes that followed, many lives changed. The older couple driving the van that ran over him were in shock. They drove down their same street every Thursday afternoon at the same time, but that day was different. Suddenly a young boy was under their front tire.

I was painting a kitchen cupboard in the old house we had moved into earlier that week. Joe’s younger brothers and sister were playing in the side yard. We all heard the screech of the tires and ran to see the disaster. All of our lives changed in that moment. When the ambulance arrived, they actually jacked the van off his right arm. Joe had tire tracks up his chest, but no broken bones except in his wrist. He was unconscious and remained in a coma for the next several weeks. We were all stunned and basically unable to function. The following months of intensive care and surgical procedures were a night mare, and none of us awoke from the shock until he regained consciousness. When he spoke it was a miracle!

And our lives changed again. Years of rehabilitation followed. I was now the young mother of a handicapped child, and his siblings suffered from the lack of my attention. I did my best to make certain they were included in future planning when we moved from that house, and then moved again and again due to circumstances that were far beyond our control. Thirty plus years later, we seldom talk about this day. But it is in the air, a part of our shared history.

All family relationships share history. Some are happy memories and others more complicated like the scene described above. Like water, some are fluid and difficult to recall, some are frozen like ice in our memory, others drift away like steam, never be remembered. But the trauma or residue of difficult memories remains in our tissues. As we get older, the pain of living shows up in our bodies. It often appears as anger or resentment in new relationships when words or actions trigger old hurts. This has been true throughout history and is a natural part of the aging process.

Many different therapies and interventions have evolved to facilitate the relief of mental, physical, emotional and spiritual pain that is part of being human. Some take the form of religious beliefs, others take a more rational, scientific or logical approach. They provide release mechanisms that are opportunities to take action, and consciously let go of past hurts. Smoking, prescription and non-prescription drugs and alcohol, mindlessly watching TV, and shopping are other ways people choose to avoid feeling the hurts. There is nothing wrong with any of these as long as they are done in moderation, including moderate religious beliefs and scientific explanations. The point is to live remembering that life is fluid, and that like water it can also be solid or elusive. As we move from day to day and month to month, from one state of consciousness to another, the best thing to do is let go of the past and LIVE to fullest extent. Find joy and pleasure where we can and Focus on the positive rather than negative outcomes of each situation.

Value of relationship coaching

Everyday interactions are influenced by things that happened in the past. But our past does not need to dictate our future. Learn what your life is about from the inside out. Looking within is a powerful path to creating healthy relationships. Overcoming difficulties in any relationship involves finding the strength of inner security. This begins with learning to trust your instincts.

People look at other people in different ways. Some look for beauty, others for flaws. Some see the essence of the person, others hear only spoken words or they tune into the tone of voice without caring about age or height, weight, gender or their relationship to the speaker. People sometimes miss what is actually said and hear only what they expect to hear. Or they “project” their thoughts about the other person as if that person were a screen that only reflected what the other is thinking.

People perceive each other through filters and we each have filters of our own that prevent us from actually seeing or hearing what the other is doing or saying. Sometimes people are mirrors for us. They reflect something we did or said, or perhaps simply thought, and we were unaware. We can be grateful for the gift, or resent that the reflector saw through the facade we put up for protection.

What is it that we protect ourselves from? What are people afraid of when it comes to intimate relationships? Why is it so difficult to know our self? And even more difficult to let others really know who we are, and what we are about? Perhaps this fear is passed down from previous generations? Or does it develop from an accumulation of bumps and hurts?

I don’t know the answers, I can only guess, based on my own relationship experience and stories from hundreds of clients and thousands of friends. I have found that many people are afraid of their own thoughts! Somehow they internalize that they are not OK. They focus on the bad things that have happened from the beginning of their lives. Little hurts accumulate and become BIG wounds. In psychological circles, we refer to this as trauma, or stress related illness.

Not everyone is traumatized by their childhood or the things that happen to us over time. Instead, they take the bumps in stride and know the path as one of learning, rather than one of difficulty. We define these people as having a positive attitude or a sunny disposition. They are fun to be around because they always see the bright side of whatever is going on. They form meaningful connections.

Are you traumatized or wounded? How sunny or cloudy is your attitude toward overcoming difficult relationships and cultivating healthy partnerships?

human interaction

 

Cultivating Healthy Relationships

working with insight and intuition

Human beings are born helpless, which means we are immediately in relationship with others. As newborns we rely on developing senses. Sight, sound, smell and taste allow us to be in touch with this new world. We need to be touched and held. Babies who are stroked and cuddled thrive.

Our need for human interaction never ends. From birth, we detect the quality of touch and begin to make judgments. We develop emotional intelligence as we learn to read the meaning of facial expressions. We learn to trust the motivation of others when our needs are met. Babies mature and begin to sense energy fields. This requires that we become self-aware and eventually learn to manage our “mood.” Mood is a quality of feeling or a distinctive emotional quality. Emotions are a result of our internal energy in motion. Emotions are the combination of temperament and personality.

  Continue reading

affectionate touch

Part workshop, part social event

Part workshop, part social event

We can live our whole lives without sex, but we have a need for touch and affection.

Many think the only way to get touched is through sex. Cuddle Party provides an opportunity for safe, affectionate, nurturing touch.  People attend these part-workshop, part social event in order to meet new people, have comfortable conversation and to get their touch quota met. Cuddle Party is held about once per month in Denver, CO and many other cities around the world. Check out www.cuddleparty.com for more info and to RSVP this Sunday, Sept. 4th @ 3 pm.

SEE videos and lots of testimonials.