People look at other people in different ways. Some look for beauty, others for flaws. Some see the essence of the person, others hear only spoken words, or they tune into the tone of voice. People sometimes miss what is actually said and hear only what they expect to hear. Or they “project” their thoughts about the other person as if that person were a screen that only reflects what the other is thinking.

People perceive each other through filters and we each have filters that prevent us from actually seeing or hearing what the other is doing or saying. Sometimes people are mirrors for us. They reflect something we did or said, or perhaps simply thought, and we were unaware. We can be grateful for the gift, or resent that the reflector saw through the facade we put up for protection.

What is the energy we protect ourselves from? What are people afraid of when it comes to intimate relationships? Why is it so difficult to know our self? And even more difficult to let others really know who we are, and what we are about? Perhaps this fear is passed down from previous generations? Or does it develop from an accumulation of bumps and hurts received along the way?

Relationship coaching can help you discover your answers. I act as a guide, based on my own relationship experience and stories from hundreds of clients and thousands of friends. I have found that many people are afraid to become aware of their own thoughts!

They internalize that they are not OK and focus on the bad things that happened in the beginning of their lives. Little hurts accumulate and become BIG wounds. In psychological circles, we refer to this as trauma, or stress related illness.

Not everyone is traumatized by their childhood or the things that happen to us over time. Instead, they take the bumps in stride and know the personal growth path as one of learning, rather than one of difficulty. We define these people as having a positive attitude or a sunny disposition. They are fun to be around because they always see the bright side of whatever is going on. They form meaningful connections.

Are you traumatized or wounded? How sunny or cloudy is your attitude toward overcoming difficult relationships and cultivating healthy partnerships? If you are seeing only the clouds, give me a call at 303-428-0968 and let’s find the sunshine together.

Eventually, we must learn to manage our “mood.”

Temperamental traits remain constant from birth through adulthood. Personality results from preferences that change over time and vary with the circumstances. Observation of others causes us to have a response, this response may cause a change in mood. Emotions result when energy moves throughout the body, in other words: Energy in motion.

Discovering how to activate and control this energy flow is one useful tool for cultivating healthy partnerships.

Learning about the limitations of temperament and the expansiveness of personality are also valuable skills for improving relationships. If you have ever had difficulty in any relationship, then a useful first step is to become aware of how previous conditioning can interfere with current communications.

Learning to let go of the judgments we made as children is a second step to improving today’s circumstances. This technique works in our everyday interactions at home or at work. Give me a call at 303-428-0968 if you are interested in learning more.

Newborns rely on the developing senses of sight, sound, smell and taste. These senses allow us to be in touch with this new world. We need to be touched and held. Babies thrive when they are gently stroked and cuddled. We also develop our sixth sense of intuition, which allows us to detect the quality of touch. We learn trust and distrust depending on how quickly our needs are met. We unconsciously absorb information about how the caretakers feel about filling those needs. The judgments we make as newborns can cause future difficulty in relationships because something that was said or done when we were tiny children can trigger a feeling in present time that was related to the past.

As we mature, we sense the energy others emit. Emotional intelligence develops and we discern the difference between one facial expression and another. This initial sense of awareness is automatic.  At a young age, we make judgments that we carry in our thoughts throughout our lifetime. Happiness and sadness, anger and joy, register in our brain as different qualities of caring and connection. These emotions register as physical feelings. Even tiny babies express emotion by imitating the people who surround us.

Who and what surrounds us determines who we become.

Many think the only way to get touched is through sex. Cuddle Party provides an opportunity for safe, affectionate, nurturing interactions that may or may not include touch. People attend these part communication workshop, part social event in order to meet new people and have comfortable conversation while getting their touch needs met, if desired. Cuddle Party is held in Denver, CO and many other cities around the world. Check out meetup.com and www.cuddleparty.com for more info. You must register to attend.